Because you refuse to stop eating.....

Hola,

Well yesterday I went in to AA (American Airlines a.k.a. SWRO South Western Reservations Office, you will hear these acronyms a lot from me in the future). I was there to do my drug screening test. I filled out some paperwork and waited to go give my "sample". Well the nurse called me back had me sign my life away 20,000 times all on labels that go to the Qwest Lab, then took me in her office to "chat". She saw that I stated that I have back problems. (I was in a pretty major wreck in college.)
*****Before I go on with my story I feel I should apologize to Jess for my back problems b/c 2 years ago in Boston, I went with her to pick out glasses and we had been walking all day and I was in severe pain so I ended up going to Sharper Image or Brookstone or whatever and sat in a massage chair, while she shopped. I know I was getting whinny and that always pisses her off, but no one really knows the lengths of my injury and the pain I deal with on a daily basis. So I am apologizing b/c I haven't been up front with her b/c I want to traipse all over town w/ her and I should have explained in more detail why I walk slow or have to sit down so often. Sorry Jess I just hate when you look at me like I'm a wimp. LOL!!*******
OK so back to the story. I explained my Sciatic Nerve damage to the nurse and assured her it wouldn't affect my job. She said well, if you dropped the pounds you wouldn't have as much of a problem. I said "Well actually my old depression meds caused me to gain an exorbitant amount of weight in a very short time frame." She said "No, don't ever blame medication for your problems. You are fat because you refuse to stop eating. Nothing causes you to gain weight other than you refusal to sacrifice cookies." OK, 1) It is my medication it says so right on the bottle. 2) I guess people who don't know me and are seeing me for the first time see a gigantically obese person, 3) I'm amazed I'm not sobbing in shame--oh that's right I'm not b/c she is totally off base. I do watch what I eat and have been losing weight steadily. I can't believe the nerve people have. She is obviously not a doctor and she is at least 70+ (b/c her daughter went to high school with my Mom. Small world right?) and people of that generation have their minds made up and nothing you can do or say will change their minds.

I just smiled and nodded and answered her other questions and left. I know I'm not the skinniest person in the world but I have come to realize that I'm also not the biggest either (which is a major breakthrough for me). My only question is am I bigger than I think? I must be if she declared me fat. It's a good thing my depression meds work so well or I think I'd either still be lying in bed shielding the world from what must be my totally repulsive, lard roll covered body, or I'd be like "well if she wants to see a refusal to stop eating I'll show her" and would be shoveling in something non-stop. I am learning to not care so much what others think. Especially strangers but moments like this make it so hard.

I wanted this diatribe to be funny and yet I'm crying a little while I write this. I don't say that for sympathy but rather b/c if I'm not honest then you won't know the real me. I'm sorry for being such a "Downer Debbie" I just needed to get this off my chest.

Happier blogs to follow (hopefully),

Eileen